How To Flirt With A Hard To Get Guy
von Ven · 22.06.2017
Ah, so maybe your new man has taken one from the old playbook. Take it from me; no two men are alike in the way they act in the beginning of a relationship. This makes it really hard to tell if your lover-to-be is shy, playing hard to get, or just playing you in general. Boy, did that turn out to be wrong. I thought he was just being cool and playing hard to get in order to get me really going after him.
Well, that part worked. But I later found out he was also working this same scheme with at least two other girls. When someone is trying to play hard to get, their first thought is to not text back right away. But in order for this to make sense, his replies must be lengthy and detailed to show that he was paying attention and actually wants to keep the conversation going. Men who want to make you want more are going to make you wait. This is a classic sign of playing hard to get.
If you ask him to dinner the next night, he might say no — which will make you only want to see him more. Sometimes dating and relationship advice can conflict. For example, some advice suggests that people should "play hard to get" in order to increase attraction and desire. Other advice suggests we should be more direct and straightforward, improving trust and liking. So, which do you choose? I began to address this very topic in a previous article, where I reviewed research that showed playing hard to get does indeed work.
In general, being on the receiving end of someone else's aloof and uncertain signals does increase desire. But does that mean you should play hard to get? Recent research has brought a bit more clarity to the question, finding that sometimes playing hard to get is a good way to build desire. On other occasions, it may backfire… What We Know Researchers Dai, Dong, and Jia investigated the question, "When does playing hard to get increase romantic attraction?
Specifically, they suggested that playing hard to get might increase feelings of "wanting" in others a desire to pursue the aloof person but at the same time decrease "liking" positive feelings about the person. The team hypothesized that playing hard to get might only work under certain circumstances—specifically, that such a strategy would only work when partners were already committed and emotionally invested in the relationship.
In other words, if the person was not already interested to some degree, playing hard to get would not motivate them to chase. To test these hypotheses, Dai and associates performed two experiments: Male students from a Hong Kong University were asked to read a hypothetical date story, or meet a real woman in a speed date situation. Women they read about in the story, or met on the date, either behaved in a positive, interested manner "easy to get" , or were passive and aloof hard to get.
In addition, for the speed-date experiment, male participants either had some initial interest and had chosen the woman commitment or was randomly assigned the date no commitment.